Help me I have fallen off my Blog Ship!

Please excuse me, but my Motivational Speaker, PRO (Pre Retarded Ostrich)Coach, Training Plan says, I can't blog! Fingers are a necessary accessory for the handlebar grip and I need to prepare for my up and coming cycling blasts of energy! I pay him $5,677.06 for his services to rule my world. I worship his ground, therefore his thoughts are embedded in my brain when I can pee and poop and drink and eat and pick my nose and sleep and freakin' move upbeat of one bpm, and oh I forgot, ride, but that is an extra 2 cents! Go For It! And..I live in a van down by the river........